Vicariously through Mendi aka “Taking one for the team”

There is superstition

2009-03-02T12:32:00.000+03:00

I ain’t superstitious .

But I have a niggling fear that the fact that an albino gecko (get thee off to Tanzania*) almost fell on my head as I was enjoying the cool Kampala air, as a bat flew around AND an owl was hooting all round me is somewhat portentous.

I could be wrong as I’d also thought it was a sign of the times when the rat, the bird and the squirrel drowned in the barrel outside our office in DC, all at the same time. In the same barrel. At the same time!

So, to re-iterate, I ain’t superstitious, but those anti-malarial prophylactics, vitamins, Hep B vaccine, seat belt, sun block (yeah, yeah …dark skinned-ed gets skin cancer too) are a must now.

After all, I ain’t superstitious. That much.

*I am going to hell in petrol surualis for this statement I know. Lakini ‘Truf is truf’.

Miscellany

2009-02-17T02:26:00.002+03:00

Just realized that my timing for my upcoming SA training is just right to catch the Hugh Masekela birthday bash . Woo hoo!!!! I am so there. I think Hugh is god (small “g”- don’t be sending me no letters!) . Every time brother Hugh showed up at Zanzibar? I was so there! (Unless a broda conned me out of my ticket- which did happen and which I’m still salty as hell about).

My hair sucks right now. It’s all thin and crappy and seriously needs Jesus and some deep conditioning. All it will probably get is a 20 minute cholesterol-marination and a promise to do better the next week.

I think I may just have made the perfect green salad today. I’ll try and recreate perfection tomorrow.

I would like to be more introspective.

I still get a thrill every time I hear “President Obama”.

I miss my nephews soooo, sooo bad. Big Ndung’u aka Lewi is the most amazing kid ever! I love, love being Auntie Mendi.

I like my space at my not-new anymore place. But the way I’ve done it up? Not so much. I think it’s way too beige. I also think my bedroom is way too masculine-ish. I’m trying to transition from all the browns I soo love (I heard you Wacu!!!) to brighter colors. My previous bedroom had saffron walls, and the bathroom was pale greenish. I know, I know… but it worked.

I loooooove my new ride. Way tres awesome!!! Public transportation in Africa?! That is soooo a Loser move. For serious. It sucked, and for the coupla months I did it, it did not teach me anything. I swurr I did not grow as a person- I just almost got tetanus from the constant scrapes with loose and rusty metal shanks embedded in the upholstery, lying in wait just under the seats where you have to scrunch your legs if you don’t want that bag of fish on you… Mathrees? Played out like a muthafugga.

The BEST gift I ever got was my iPod nano which I played the hell out of. It’s finally met its demise and I don’t know if I’ll replace it as my circumstances have changed somewhat and an iPod is not that integral to my life as it was but dude! On my 2 hour ONE WAY train commute? (iPod time!); driving to the train station (iPod); on the metro (iPod); gym (iPod); walking to work? (ipod time!); cooking … you get the gist.

I’m sooo wishing- actually fiending for the new Google Phone that looks like it’s about to come out soon. I also think that I’ll trade my gadget-phile tendencies for something more- well, marketable like a fetish for Jimmy Choos.

I just bought like 15 avocados for USh. 2 000 which is like $1.03. Anndd these are like Haas avocados. Rocks to be in Africa right now. Oh- and like 2 kilos of mangoes- $6. How many ways can you say ‘aweome!”

Oh, and the weather was in the 90s today. While this makes it sometimes too hot to sleep, it’s so something that I can live with.

During my morning commute, I once fell asleep with the trusty iPod with the “Still Ghetto” album playing and in my half-sleep state when I pulled into Union Station, I was CONVINCED that the meaning of life was to be found in Jaheims’ “Song for mama”. This includes obscure mathematical proofs and the solution to the conflict in the Great Lakes region. When I woke up (after sleep-walking to the metro stop and travelling for 3 more metro stops to I think Farragut North LOL!), it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe Jaheim had not figured out how to cure Cancer and the Sri Lankan conflict. Makes me wonder how Joseph got the guts to go to the Pharaoh and tell him that his dream was not bollocks. Mine certainly are.

I have had insomnia for about 3 years now. I’ve never done anything about it. There’ll be days when I don’t sleep for more than an hour for like 5 consecutive days. Come weekend? Can’t keep my eyes open past 8 pm.

My comp is doing some memory hogging thing right now which means that as I’m typing, I have to wait a couple of seconds before I actually see what I typed. It’s also 2 in the morning. This would be a good time to go to bed.

Thanks MPesa (Not!!)

2009-02-15T17:45:00.003+03:00

Yup. It’s official.

MPesa has taken away the excuse of “I’m not in the country” or “I’m traveling” to be a good enough reason to not hook up the relaz for let’s see... there was, sugar disease medicine, clever child’s school fees, drought relief, election campaigning cash, for Christmas,for Easter, for Week after Jamhuri day.

I mean, if they can reach you on your SafCom number, you can certainly MPesa them some money. Or at the very least sambaza some credit.

Thanks SafariCom. Stealing excuses, one disaporian at a time.

Withdrawal, abstinence AND female condom

2009-02-15T16:27:00.001+03:00

(Saddle up Sista)

(I guess an epidural is out of the question?!)

Sheeessshhhh!!! Having seen that and knowing what's in store if I procreate all willy-nilly and not geographically strategically, um…. let’s just say that there’ll be a lot of Obama Condom buying (which I hear is black in color)- and I hear that should be used simultaneously, and (if lucky, concurrently!) with diaphragms AND spermicidal zapping stuff and downing of the morning-after-pills (with mimosas!) on the morning after the night before.

Oh- and withdrawal too. Can’t forget withdrawal.

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This message was brought to you by the letter T, M and I.

And proudly sponsored by W, T and F.

My goat with horns...

2009-01-11T03:03:00.001+03:00

I got a goat this Christmas. See, now that’s what you call a gift!!! Thing is, this goat ermmm….how to I say this? Um……blush, blush…cough… um… it self-fel.l.ates* au kwa msamiati wa Kiswahili, yajichezea LOL!

Lydia (my new sister), thinks it’s all my fault that it’s carrying on like. You see, due to its habit of figting with other goats, I segregated from all the other goats (and cows! ) and it's now in its own ~~Bantustan~~ Goatstan.

My girl Carol maintains that we should not under any circumstances eat it. Apparently, that’s how weird diseases spread from beast to man (wakina Marburg fever and Ebola).

Not to worry, it was never meant to be nyama choma, always the start of my Goat Empire. So whatever meat I serve you at me digs, it's totally a'ight- ain't nothing haramu nyama going on at chez Mendi's. Halal all the way.

Happy 2009 folks!

*I had to split up that word as I don’t want to be what people find when they Google that key-word. I really don’t.

A mother's love and dirty feet

2008-12-03T21:06:00.000+03:00

You always hear of those awesome stories of mothers. You know, child is trapped under a car, and mother lifts car with her bare hands to free the child? In today's New Vision newspaper, they had a story of a mother's love, and this one just made me sad. The reporter was struck by this kid Morise who was passed out in the HOT sun, dead tired and from all accounts, out for the count. Morise had dirty, cracked feet and apparently, those cracks and dirt on his feet were hard earned. Morise's mother, talking about how they just got to Uganda from the DRC, said that her and her 5 kids had to walk over 40 km to escape approaching gun fire from General Nkunda's army. The mother, currently pregnant, talking about how a 4th grader is able to walk over 40 km says:

"...we reached a place where the children could no longer walk but I had to be strong for them. I tied them with rope and dragged them along"...

Moments

2008-09-15T21:53:00.001+03:00

Awesome Moment #3:
Talking to the chairperson of the Women With Disabilities Group, she says " We want our women to be married by choice, and not by chance".
Awesome!!

Inappropriate Humor Moment No. 456,345:
" We want our members who have leprosy to be treated decently. They should not be shunned. They should be included in society. This exclusion should stop..." says Women with Disabilities Chairperson.

"People with leprosy should not be treated like, well, like...lepers" summarizes Mendi in her shorthand notebook trying to stifle a highly inappropriate giggle.

Double Ewww Tee Eff Moment No. 67,875:
So one of my WTF moments has to be when I was attacked by a bat when minding my own business, riding on a boda-boda (eh, you can quit laughing Steve)

See this harmless looking tree

It's actually full of bats that roam all willynilly during the day.
Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

So I'm on a boda-boda (not actual Mendi. This is me doing some chase car activity)

And I'm enjoying the wind in my ~~hair~~ braids (OK!!!Horse genocide happened for me to rock this look. Deal with it. Barbaro and Sea Biscuit gone y'all!!!)

Anyhoo... I'm on the boda-boda when suddenly, this bird starts hanging by the beak on to the driver’s shirt. I start whimpering in apprehension as I have a serious bird-phobia. And I’m shrieking in a medium carrying voice (fire truck loud, though of course not as loud as Independent-Church-next-to-my-Kampala-house-I-can’t-believe-you-have-a-frigging-amplifier-in-a-10foot-room-church-shut-up-it’s-Sunday-somebody-kill-me-now very loud type of noise).

And in between elegantly shrieking, I’m looking at this bird thinking “eh… lakini this bird is seriously ugly” when I suddenly notice…

It’s a BAT!!!!!!!!!!

And all hell broke loose. So kwanza, me I’m trying to jump off the boda-boda (after all, my jobo health insurance checked in so I’m a’ight!), but my rucksack is jammed between me and the back of the boda-boda seat, so I’m stuck. And since I’m now shrieking, I guess the driver was not taking chances and he was now pedal to the metal, accelerating and for sure thinking “If it’s Kony and ‘dem, me and my boda and this miscellaneous chick I'm carying? We’re out”. And these women by the road side are looking at me like “What? What?”.

Me? I just want out!!!!! Finally, the driver gets the nerve to ask what is it and I’m like "Gnnnhhkjksjdkj sfsfhskf “ and he sees the bat and with utter contempt, slows down and tells me “Ah… it’s a [insert Acholi word for bat here]. They eat fruits”.

Well, excuse me! Sorry for being afraid of the vegetarian Gulu bats!

WTF Moments # 67,875 a) ; b) and c):

a) Grab a cafe:

...You'll be here a long, long time.Me trying to install Office *sigh*

Then, ati the "12 hours"? Now, that's just malice.

b) Doing the first anti virus cleanup in a long, long time. We finally found 1,500 threats.

c) Um.... this hairstyle?

... so won't score you that job. This was a Naijan poster we saw in a Gulu barber shop that we were getting photocopies in (obviously). These here hair cuts are those that had won the "Barbing Award" in Benin City.

An Uphill Task and Quacks

2008-09-11T09:25:00.000+03:00

So, me I'm back in Kampala just minding my own business, having my coffee in my new digs, reading the paper and shaking my head at the advice that this quack of a doctor was giving this guy... I mean, would you go to a doctor who used the word "bums"? Quackery...

I mean, Patrick (itchy bums from the newspaper) probably used the loo at my jobo and those mozzies went to town on him!!!

Anyway, as I was saying, I'm in my digs just doing my thing when I look up and see this family trying to jump start their car by pushing it up a hill. See now, that is why I love cameras! By now one of you would be saying "Mendi, quit lyin'". OK who am I kidding? You'd be saying "Tiga maheni, Mendi" or "Washana nayo Mendi. Hayo ni maheni"

Anyhoo for the skeptics (i.e all of y'all), I documented...

Exhibit A:

And every time they pushed it a bit up the hill and the car rolled backwards, I was so sure that they were going to say "Aca meni! Let's push this thing down the hill".

Nerp! They looked for a ka-rock and there was a ka young 'un whose job was to put said rock behind the wheels. Me? I'm just chewing lock, wondering how a family can be smart enough to buy a car, but gravity shindas them?

*shaking my head*..

Anyway, after like maybe half and hour of pushing, they held a family meeting and decided to give jump-starting down the hill a try. Their efforts were rewarded as the car promptly started and they took off....

Have a lovely day my lovelies... Fight the Quackery!!

For Love of My Butt

2008-09-07T22:35:00.000+03:00

I decided not to use the bathrooms at work.

See, the mozzies just chill there waiting....

and then kwanza it's a pit latrine so of course you'll be exposéd. So ati you'd be rocking sijui stretch marks and ati mosquito bites? Not a good look.

Watu wakojoe wakitoka nyumbani.

(Yes, those are real mosquitoes I swurr. I did not ongeza photoshop. Maa!)

Incongruous

2008-09-03T15:14:00.000+03:00

in·con·gru·ous /ɪnˈkɒŋgruəs/
miro pronunciation [in-kong-groo-uhs]
–adjective
1.out of keeping or place; inappropriate; unbecoming: an incongruous effect; incongruous behavior.
2.not harmonious in character; inconsonant; lacking harmony of parts: an incongruous mixture of architectural styles.
3.inconsistent: actions that were incongruous with their professed principles.

Usage
…the burly boda-boda guy with nail art on his toes (Aqua background with a metallic taupe design! Aqua people!!!) was an incongruous sight as Mendi, with amazing agility hopped onto the boda!!!!

…the Uganda military guy, automatic in one hand and grenades and dem strapped to his vest, looked incongruous with the Hallo Kitty suitcase he was clutching in his other hand.

*sigh*

The ‘Marehemu George’ market has ruined African notions of masculinity and warrior accouterments.